My sister sent me this email and it made me chuckle. I thought I would share it. I also added a recipe for Bran Muffins just in case you really wanted one!
The couple were 85 years old, and had been married for sixty years. Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they watched their pennies.Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to the wife's insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last decade. One day, their good health didn't help when they went on a rare vacation and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven.
They reached the pearly gates, and St. Peter escorted them inside. He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath. A maid could be seen hanging their favorite clothes in the closet.They gasped in astonishment when he said, 'Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now.'
The old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. 'Why, nothing,' Peter replied, 'remember, this is your reward in Heaven.'The old man looked out the window and right there he saw a championship golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever built on Earth.'What are the greens fees?,' grumbled the old man.'This is heaven,' St. Peter replied. 'You can play for free, every day.'
Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with every imaginable cuisine laid out before them, from seafood to steaks to exotic desserts, free flowing beverages. 'Don't even ask,' said St. Peter to the man. This is Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy.'The old man looked around and glanced nervously at his wife.'Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods, and the decaffeinated tea?,' he asked.
'That's the best part,' St. Peter replied. 'You can eat and drink as much as you like of whatever you like, and you will never get fat or sick.This is Heaven!'
The old man pushed, 'No gym to work out at? ''Not unless you want to,' was the answer. 'No testing my sugar or blood pressure or...'
'Never again. All you do here is enjoy yourself.'
The old man glared at his wife and said, 'You and your bran muffins. We could have been here ten years ago!'
Maida Heatter's Famous Bran Muffins
Yields: 18 muffins
2 ounces ( 1/2 stick) unsalted butter
1/2 cup firmly packed dark brown sugar
1/4 cup dark or light molasses or honey
2 eggs (large grade)
1 cup milk
1 1/2 cups bran cereal (do not use flakes, Maida recommends Kellogg's All-Bran)
1 cup raisins
1 cup walnuts broken into large pieces
1/2 cup unsifted whole wheat flour
1/2 cup unsifted all purpose white flour
3/4 teaspoon salt
1 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
If your oven can not fit both muffin tins side by side on the middle rack, adjust the 2 racks to divide the oven into 3rds.
Preheat oven to 400 degrees F.
Butter 18 2 3/4 inch muffin forms. Note: Buttering the tins will create a very nice crust for the muffins, if using paper cups the crust may be diminished but the muffins will keep longer.
Melt butter over low heat. In a large mixing bowl combine the melted butter, sugar and molasses or honey and stir to mix.
In a separate bowl beat the eggs and milk to mix.
Slowly add the egg mixture to the butter mixture stirring with a wire whisk to blend. Mix in the bran and raisins and let stand for a few minutes. Or cover and refrigerate overnight. Stir in walnuts.
Sift together flours, salt, and baking soda and add to bran mixture. Stir quickly with rubber spatula just enough to moisten dry ingredients.
With a large spoon, fill prepared cups with batter about 2/3rds full.
Bake for 15 minutes rotating muffin pans once to insure even cooking. Muffins will be done when they spring back from touch. Note: If muffin mixture has been refrigerated, cooking time will be 4 minutes longer. Take muffins from oven and remove from baking tins immediately and cool on rack.